Re: EDU 2020, Part Deux: The Worst Worst Case Scenario Gets Worse

[aburke5054@aol.com]

You seem to be having some kind of breakdown, or at least a spasm of 
some sort.  Move on to other things.

Art

-----Original Message-----
From: Peter Campbell <campbellp@mail.montclair.edu>
To: ARN State <ARN-state@yahoogroups.com>; ARN Main List 
<arn-l@interversity.org>; arn2-strategy <arn2-strategy@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Fri, 7 Apr 2006 07:25:29 -0500
Subject: [arn-l] EDU 2020, Part Deux: The Worst Worst Case Scenario 
Gets Worse

  Research in Education - By 2020, research is now called "REserch" and 
scientific evidence is called "The New Science" thanks to the brave, 
pioneering souls from the NICHD who brought us the Report of the 
National Reading Panel (NRP). REserch and The New Science are bold new 
efforts to set the record straight on the truth. Let's face it: prior 
to REserch and The New Science, most research was conducted by people 
we had never heard of. Worse, it was conducted by people that we didn't 
regularly have lunch with, people whose grandparents didn't vacation 
with our grandparents ((http://www.thenation.com/doc/20020128/metcalf), 
and whose methodologies included that icky, yucky, ethnographic and 
qualitative "research data." Yeah, right! Give me The Gold Standard 
Double-Blind Experimental Study With Meta-Analysis and a Side of Mayo 
or Give Me Death! With REserch, we only trust our friends to tell us 
the truth. After all, what are friends for? And if you can't trust your 
friends, who can you trust? Are you really going to trust someone you 
don't even know with a funny last name and a fuzzy agenda? Yeah, right! 
As if I'm going to turn my kids' futures over to some stranger! Thank 
God for The New Science and its emphasis on REserch!


Teacher Preparation and Curriculum - By 2020, colleges of education 
will be dissolved. At long last, all the Commies in those festering 
pools of wacko left'ism will be on the street, begging for change, 
desperately trying to convince people at bus stops to listen to their 
pathetic pleas for "social justice." America will finally realize that 
teacher preparation is about preparing teachers to teach, not pumping 
young students up with Kumbaya Commie Crap about racism and equality. 
No sir, teachers will learn how to be teachers! In 2020, there will be 
a fourth R added to the classic three: it will be Reading, (w)Riting, 
(a)Rithmetic, and (psychomet)Rics. In addition to Reading classes on 
Phonemic Awareness, Phonemic Analysis, Phonemic Phonemics, and Phonemic 
Phonecalls (aka "How to Talk to Parents So You Are Understood 
Clearly"), there are (psychomet)Ric classes in Standard Deviation, 
Deviant Standards, Standardizing Deviance, and Deviating from 
Standards. Writing instruction has been replaced by a critical 
job-training skill tied to real-world needs. Formerly called 
"shorthand," the new writing instruction -- called "Everyone Is Write!" 
-- prepares young inner-city children to be critical members of office 
support teams. (a)Rithmetic -- now called "Rithmetic" -- introduces 
Kindergartners to spreadsheet programs and, as part of their real-world 
instruction to prepare them to be competitive in the global 
marketplace, demands utmost rigor of them as they prepare the 
district's financial statements for state auditors. In 2015, this 
service was outsourced to a company in India, but parents got wind of 
it and demanded that their children be prepared to crunch numbers for 
large corporations, saying that Kindergartners could do the work for 
even less money than the Indians. They were right! Thank God for 
parental involvement!


Principal Preparation and Educational Technology - As part of their 
preparation, principals are trained to assess students' level of 
competence from 500 feet away using a Visual Rubric Enhancement 
Data-Driven Tool Facilitation Mechanism (VRED-DTFM), pronounced "Vee 
Red Dash Do It For 'Em." The VRED-DTFM is mounted on the head of the 
principal and features a laser ocular mechanism (LOM) that the 
principal looks through in order to assess students. Between classes, 
the principal walks the halls, wearing the VRED-DTFM. As the principal 
scans the students through the LOM, an alarm goes off inside the helmet 
when the LOM locks on to a student on the verge of passing the state 
standardized test. The alarm, called the "Bubble-Kid Audial Assistance 
Guide" (B-KAAG), saves hours and hours and thousands of dollars. In the 
stone age of 2005-2006, principals had to give benchmark assessment 
tests every month to find out who the bubble-kids were so all the 
school's resources could be focused on them. But with the VRED-DTFM, 
all the principal has to do is walk the halls and --- BINGO -- the 
B-KAAG goes off and there's your bubble kid!


--
Posted by Peter Campbell to Transform Education
http://transformeducation.blogspot.com/


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