Re: Parenting: "All politics is personal" Sen. Paul Wellstone

[Mike Kluznik <mkluznik@HOTMAIL.COM>]

I think one of the most over-used terms in family counseling and in the
schools is dysfunctional family.
Mike


> From: Laura VaN <abrilmackenzie@HOTMAIL.COM>
> Reply-To: Assessment Reform Network Mailing List <ARN-L@LISTS.CUA.EDU>
> To: ARN-L@LISTS.CUA.EDU
> Subject: Re: Parenting: "All politics is personal" Sen. Paul Wellstone
> Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2001 15:52:04 -0500
>
> > From: Mike Kluznik <mkluznik@HOTMAIL.COM> "agreeing with Juanita"
> > Parenting is on a continuum.  I think you & I agree that too much
> > >involvement is not good, but letting them run unsupervised is not good
> > >either.
>
> I think you are both wrong.  Whether a kid needs more or less supervision
> depends on
> 1) the kid
> 2) the adult
> 3) the match
> 4) the goals
> 5) how long you wait before making a jugement (waiting until after the kid
> turn 30 greatly increases the number of successes)
>
> There is no such thing as a "perfect balance".  Stress spurs somes kids on
> to great things (In "Cradle of Eminence" which studied the lives of
> "geniuises"* who achieved on a world scale (people such as Picasso, Hitler,
> Kennedy's, Churchhill, Einstein, etc., etc) they found that dysfunctional
> families were the norm, and the Kennedy's were considered one of the "good"
> families (provided resources, opportunities, supported -if not perhaps
> directed at times - their children's talents and interests).  Certainly we
> wouldn't want to cite this as evidence that neglect and abuse is o.k.
> (although after reading this book I also believe that for many, their
> greatness has a direct relationship to their childhood difficulties, rather
> than being in spite of their childhood.
>
> Further I bet many people saying parents aren't that critical, believe that
> teachers can make a difference.  It's generally a great match of talents,
> interests and needs that sets up a situation where a teacher is highly
> influential for a child.  Why is it any different with parents.
>
> To make things worse, the maker didn't send us a manual that tells us
> whether a particular kid is a good match, or what that kid needs from
> parents/teachers/the world.  So we do the best we can, and we know that
> some
> things increase the liklihood of certain results, and we step in when we
> see
> parents really screwing up - and most us do believe there are limits to
> "acceptable parenting".  I also think bad parenting is probably more
> influential than good parenting.  I see good parenting as providing rich
> soil and letting the child bloom (as perhaps Mike's mother did).  This
> certainly isn't irrelevant, even if it isn't as direct as saying "you
> should
> go to college".
>
>
>
> *Please don't argue with me about the use of the word genius.  It's their
> word not mine, and I don't believe they pretend to have administered or
> have
> access to IQ scores for all of them.  There selection mechanism is fully
> outlined, and "genius" is a convenient if broad-stroked description of the
> population they seek to study.
>
>
>
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