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Re: My Birthday reflections...

I wish you happy birthday! Art

>>> rparkany@borg.com 01/15/03 03:42AM >>>
Good morning, Folks! my Birthday eve is tonight.

My friend and soulmate, Marty, sent me a B'day greeting this morning.
She's been an advocate of my
so-called *career* my whole life. She was there when I left the USNA @
the height of the Vietnam
War, when my father took three years to speak w/me. She was there when
I was arrested and thrown out
of school two weeks before Kent State a year and a half later for
demonstrating during the Cambodian
invasion. She was there for me each time no one else was--and when they
were. She has shadowed my
life and supplemented what I chose for myself of it.

I am weary of this effort, I wish I could give it up! I pray that my
intentions are noble, but
suspect att imes I've been mislead by mean-spirits within me that are
viable (com)possibilities
maneuvering and negotiating for ascendancy and to surface as spokesmen
for my soul.

I consider Nietzsche to have been a quietist compared to the torments I
suffer, at times, Alan
Young; but I awoke this morning to your posts and resolved to finish
some writing today.

Should I thank you for this motivation, my friend--or curse you along
with myself for the listening
you compelled? ;-} rap.

Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2003 05:58:53 -0500

Thank you so much, for (re)membering me, Marty!

I have been a bit *low*, lately...mostly career issues running against
the advocacy and moral,
ameliorative stuff that has distracted my energies since leaving USNA.

Ollie North ('gave me the only demerits I received Plebe Year: 15 for
mud on my boots giving blood for the war effort before noon meal on a
Saturday morning) is making
millions on the talk-show circuit, his mentor, John Poindexter is
resurrected into the Database
of Babel way deep in the bowels of the DoD, and I am still looking for
work (again) and writing my
dissertation, competing for *jobs* I had a better shot at while at
Tulane, 30 years ago!

Sometimes I wonder if I've taken on too much in this short, sweet life.
Leibnitz claimed that we
live in the best of all (com)possible worlds. I concur at the
metaphysical section of this
argument--for all my life, I have been a pessimistic optimist,
accordingly. But, ...

...I have lately come to wonder if much of my struggle, my angst and
longings have been directed
in some sort of misaligned perception and poorly insulated
consciousness at those proto-realities,
those (com)possible alternatives to *what actually happens* that never
make it into full
presence--sort of like those fleeting sub-atomic particles that we can
cause, with great energy
and control, to momentarily shimmer into existence before dying away
into the mere possibilities
that they were intended to be.

My family has suffered for all this, yet support me w/o wavering--I cry
and burst into gushing
tears often when my hand leaves the tiller, and my realities shimmer
frequently, as though they
are more intended for mere melancholic contemplation & reflection--not
the action that I demand
of them.

Thank you for this remembrance, Marty; best of th' New Year to you &
yours, as well... ;-} rap.

Clarkmarty@aol.com wrote:
> Hope you're not too busy to do something reckless or self-indulgent
> to celebrate.
> Am sending this a little early because we leave at dawn tomorrow for
> a week in the Bay area with hubby's kids. Andrew just bought a home
> in Palo Alto, his first, and Jennifer flew in today on semester
> from teaching at UMass. Needless to say, Marc is pretty excited.
> Hope you're well! Hugs, Marty

"Dein Wachstum sei feste und lache vor Lust!
Deines Herzens Trefflichkeit
Hat dir selbst das Feld bereit',
Auf dem du bluehen musst." JS Bach: Bauern Kantata
Richard A. Parkany: SUNY@Albany
Prometheus Educational Services
Upper Hudson & Mohawk Valleys; New York State, USA
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